I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize