I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
