in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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