i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
