Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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