she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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