apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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