so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
