It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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