he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
