take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
