I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
