and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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