i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
