When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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