just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
they're like a gay fantastic four
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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