Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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