dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
