how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
