Banned from zoo.
Again?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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