Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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