He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
