before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
