...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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