...so i touched it.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
