I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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