Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
