My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
