I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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