is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
