So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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