she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
