Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize