I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
COCAINE IS GR8
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
