you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
