help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize