I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
