Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
