mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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