So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
