Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Apparently you make a good broom.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
