We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
