i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
