My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
