Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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