Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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