I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
