I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
