It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
