im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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