I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
