I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
