I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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