Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
