C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
