Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
