i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize