i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
