We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It was confusing and full of hummus
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
