shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
