There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
