You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
