Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
