She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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