Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
