i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
